The phone rings…..grrrrrriiinng; (Sayo picks it up. It’s Tunji.) Hi darling. Wat’s up? (Tunji responds) Guess who just called me? MOMMY. She’s inviting us over. We’ll be spending Sunday with her.
SAYO- Taken aback…..with mommy ke? AGAIN? 😯 But Sunday is your birthday plus we were just there two weeks ago for mother’s day.
TUNJI: een now (sounding excited) she said we should come over after church. She’ll be cooking for us and you know my mom can cook. Baby girl, I can’t wait to eat her food on Sunday.
SAYO: Tunji, and you didn’t think to check with me before responding? Do you realize we’ve spent your last two birthdays in her house.
TUNJI- So? You should know by now that I spend my birthdays with mommy. Or do you want me to decline her request? Don’t you think that will be rude and disrespectful? Oh….so you want me to disrespect my mom. I can’t believe this (shouting), I can’t believe this (he drops the phone)….
SAYO- Tunji, Tunji, Tunji, ha! Don’t drop now…..Ooooo. What kind of wahala is this? Abi what is this gan sef. Every time mommy, mommy. Mommy said this, mommy said that. Mommy said Ifeoluwa (Tunji and Sayo’s daughter) should not go to that school. Every Christmas, it’s mommy’s house. Children’s day, we must go there; Father’s day, we have to be there so she doesn’t miss Daddy too much (Tunji father is late); Lunch it is with mommy. What wahala is this? How long do I have do I deal with this…..how do I handle this (she falls into a deep thought)?
Eeeya, Sayo iyawo olele. I feel you and I’m so sorry you have to deal with this.
Who is a Mama’s boy?
A mama’s boy or mother’s boy is a grown up man who is excessively attached to his mother at an age when men are supposed to be independent. My dear “Iyawo Olele”, you are married to one if he is unable to refuse her anything, he practically has to runs all his life decisions by her; the mother dotes on him like a little boy. He’s always at his mom’s beck and call. If mama wants something she must get it. He calls mama every day. Mama’s decisions takes precedence over your own and lastly, when you got married, you moved in with him……in his mother’s house just because they live in a mansion……Mtchew 😉 🙄
While some people are blessed with understanding mother in-laws, this is what quite a number of women have to go through and the situation can deteriorate so much that the mother in-law may confront the wife with accusations and you hear things like “eeenn, you want to take my son away from me, right? It is not your fault, after I have finished cooking, you want to come and eat my food. Some mother in-laws act like they are like their daughter in-laws are rivals.
How to Manage Tunji the Mama’s Boy
Honestly this was a difficult one for me to crack and I hope I did justice to it (please tell me in the comment section). When it comes to the issue of mother-in-law and their sons, one needs to thread softly. Most of the time, our darlings don’t see anything wrong in what their doing so this is where you have to ask God for wisdom. So here we go!
Wisdom Nugget # 1: Communication. Try reaching out to your husband. Maybe, just maybe he is unaware of his actions. In a subtle manner address the issue. If he is reasonable and seek the best for his home, he will apologise and try to make amends. If your hubby is of the group who does not see anything wrong in his actions, then he won’t even listen to you. Like Tunji above. They become either defensive or aggressive. If you are married to this type of man then go to plan B 😉
Wisdom Nugget # 2: Relocate ASAP!!! For me living with a mother in-law is almost a no go area. Now, I’m not talking of his aged mother in-law that you have to take care of o. Nooo. That’s a duty we owe our parents and I’m also not talking of the once a year vacations spent in your house. No! I’m speaking of the situation whereby she comes and permanently live with you for no reason whatsoever or you got married and after honeymoon, you move to their family house just because they have a MANSION. If you find yourself in these shoes, find a way to cajole your hubby to move out and far, far away to a place that is not a driving distance. Somewhere both of you have to actually plan before going. If you have to move to another state, country, do so please. It can save your marriage. I know someone who worked her way to getting promoted at work and got transferred to the United States because of this mother in-law issue. The husband was so impressed with her, he struggled to get a job overseas so he could join her. It save her marriage.
Wisdom Nugget #3: Be kind to your mother in-law Whatever your plan, please be nice to your mother in-law. Know that you can never win a physical confrontation with her otherwise before you know it, you will see uncle so and aunty so will be knocking on your door for extended family meetings. Remember I said be nice to her not PERMISSIVE o because in-laws need boundaries. This type of situation is managed diplomatically and prayerfully.
Wisdom #4: Plan his/family time way ahead- If you have a closely knitted relationship with your hubby, plan his time, vacations way ahead for him. Block his schedule with your children’s school activities, extra curricula activities, dinner dates etc. Plan it 6 months ahead. Even one year sef. Look for couples that he respects, make friends with them and plan activities with them. Enroll for activities that you both enjoy. Do all these in a very subtle way. You don’t want him suspecting your actions. Be wise my dear. It takes wisdom to be and stay happily married. “wink”
Wisdom Nuggets #5- Go on your knees. That’s right. Prayers my SISTA! Prayers and fasting. I don’t mean “jelenge” (like plus Jesus, minus Satan) kind prayers o. Serious one and honestly I am not joking here o. You are trying to break a bond, there will be resistance (remember the law of resistance), so you want to fight the battle on your knees as well. You’ll use prayers to back Nuggets #1-4.
It is well with you dear. May God grant us all wisdom.
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