Sweet Wife, ‘Iyawo Olele’ Is Married To Mama’s Boy; 5 Practical Ways To Manage Mama’s Boy (EP#2)

The phone rings…..grrrrrriiinng; (Sayo picks it up. It’s Tunji.) Hi darling. Wat’s up? (Tunji responds) Guess who just called me? MOMMY. She’s inviting us over. We’ll be spending Sunday with her.

SAYO- Taken aback…..with mommy ke? AGAIN? 😯 But Sunday is your birthday plus we were just there two weeks ago for mother’s day. 

TUNJI: een now (sounding excited) she said we should come over after church. She’ll be cooking for us and you know my mom can cook. Baby girl, I can’t wait to eat her food on Sunday.

SAYO: Tunji, and you didn’t think to check with me before responding? Do you realize we’ve spent your last two birthdays in her house.

TUNJI- So? You should know by now that I spend my birthdays with mommy. Or do you want me to decline her request? Don’t you think that will be rude and disrespectful? Oh….so you want me to disrespect my mom. I can’t believe this (shouting), I can’t believe this (he drops the phone)….

SAYO- Tunji, Tunji, Tunji, ha! Don’t drop now…..Ooooo. What kind of wahala is this? Abi what is this gan sef. Every time mommy, mommy. Mommy said this, mommy said that. Mommy said Ifeoluwa (Tunji and Sayo’s daughter) should not go to that school. Every Christmas, it’s mommy’s house. Children’s day, we must go there; Father’s day, we have to be there so she doesn’t miss Daddy too much (Tunji father is late); Lunch it is with mommy. What wahala is this? How long do I have do I deal with this…..how do I handle this (she falls into a deep thought)?

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Blah, blah, blah, blah!!!!

Eeeya, Sayo iyawo olele. I feel you and I’m so sorry you have to deal with this.

Who is a Mama’s boy?

A mama’s boy or mother’s boy is a grown up man who is excessively attached to his mother at an age when men are supposed to be independent. My dear “Iyawo Olele”, you are married to one if he is unable to refuse her anything, he practically has to runs all his life decisions by her; the mother dotes on him like a little boy. He’s always at his mom’s beck and call. If mama wants something she must get it. He calls mama every day. Mama’s decisions takes precedence over your own and lastly, when you got married, you moved in with him……in his mother’s house just because they live in a mansion……Mtchew 😉 🙄

While some people are blessed with understanding mother in-laws, this is what quite a number of women have to go through and the situation can deteriorate so much that the mother in-law may confront the wife with accusations and you hear things like “eeenn, you want to take my son away from me, right? It is not your fault, after I have finished cooking, you want to come and eat my food. Some mother in-laws act like they are like their daughter in-laws are rivals.

How to Manage Tunji the Mama’s Boy

Honestly this was a difficult one for me to crack and I hope I did justice to it (please tell me in the comment section). When it comes to the issue of mother-in-law and their sons, one needs to thread softly. Most of the time, our darlings don’t see anything wrong in what their doing so this is where you have to ask God for wisdom. So here we go!

Wisdom Nugget # 1: Communication. Try reaching out to your husband. Maybe, just maybe he is unaware of his actions. In a subtle manner address the issue. If he is reasonable and seek the best for his home, he will apologise and try to make amends. If your hubby is of the group who does not see anything wrong in his actions, then he won’t even listen to you. Like Tunji above. They become either defensive or aggressive. If you are married to this type of man then go to plan B 😉

Wisdom Nugget # 2: Relocate ASAP!!! For me living with a mother in-law is almost a no go area. Now, I’m not talking of his aged mother in-law that you have to take care of o. Nooo. That’s a duty we owe our parents and I’m also not talking of the once a year vacations spent in your house. No! I’m speaking of the situation whereby she comes and permanently live with you for no reason whatsoever or you got married and after honeymoon, you move to their family house just because they have a MANSION. If you find yourself in these shoes, find a way to cajole your hubby to move out and far, far away to a place that is not a driving distance. Somewhere both of you have to actually plan before going. If you have to move to another state, country, do so please. It can save your marriage. I know someone who worked her way to getting promoted at work and got transferred to the United States because of this mother in-law issue. The husband was so impressed with her, he struggled to get a job overseas so he could join her. It save her marriage.

Wisdom Nugget #3: Be kind to your mother in-law Whatever your plan, please be nice to your mother in-law. Know that you can never win a physical confrontation with her otherwise before you know it, you will see uncle so and aunty so will be knocking on your door for extended family meetings. Remember I said be nice to her not PERMISSIVE o because in-laws need boundaries. This type of situation is managed diplomatically and prayerfully.

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It is well with you….Iyawo Olele….

Wisdom #4: Plan his/family time way ahead- If you have a closely knitted relationship with your hubby, plan his time, vacations way ahead for him. Block his schedule with your children’s school activities, extra curricula activities, dinner dates etc. Plan it 6 months ahead. Even one year sef. Look for couples that he respects, make friends with them and plan activities with them. Enroll for activities that you both enjoy. Do all these in a very subtle way. You don’t want him suspecting your actions. Be wise my dear. It takes wisdom to be and stay happily married. “wink”

Wisdom Nuggets #5- Go on your knees. That’s right. Prayers my SISTA! Prayers and fasting. I don’t mean “jelenge” (like plus Jesus, minus Satan) kind prayers o. Serious one and honestly I am not joking here o. You are trying to break a bond, there will be resistance (remember the law of resistance), so you want to fight the battle on your knees as well. You’ll use prayers to back Nuggets #1-4.

It is well with you dear. May God grant us all wisdom. 

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9 thoughts on “Sweet Wife, ‘Iyawo Olele’ Is Married To Mama’s Boy; 5 Practical Ways To Manage Mama’s Boy (EP#2)

  1. Am kinda confused, am dating an only child who has been with his mum all his life and he’s proposing us staying with her after marriage that she wouldn’t be a bother. He eve says if we live separately, she’ll still join us. The thought of it alone scares me. I don’t know what to do

    • Hello, thanks for leaving a comment and I feel your concern and confusion. For newly weds, I always advice that they stay alone together at the infancy of their relationship. The reason is because you both need time to get into know each other as married couples, time to bond without an external influence and this is irrespective of the third party. Now having a mother in law figure in your home as such a tender time of your marriage (for me) is totally not advisable. Remember she has authority over her son. You are just going to start to build your authority and affirm your role as a wife which my dear takes a while. Now in what to do, did you go for counseling? If you did, your counselor might want to discuss this with your fiancé. I will also suggest you communicate with your him. Do not go from the perspective of mother’s influence in relationship. Speak from the perspective of needing time to nurture your relationship. Let know your thoughts. He might try to persuade you. She might not even be a bad influence (a lot if mother in laws are nice) as far a we know she might be the sweetest person around but remember, you are both 2 grown women who believe you have authority with your fiancé. 2 grown women cannot stay permanently together (in this type of scenario), too many cooks spoil the brew. A ship cannot have 2 captains. Oh…. if she is aged, then that is another story. In short, speak to him. If you have to get a place for her, please do my dear if you can afford it. Don’t start your marriage with a weak foundation. Sorry I wrote so long…..🙂…. P.S. I have never seen a mother in law staying with couple whose story ended well except if the mother is aged.

  2. Thanks for this Tolu. This Iyawo Olele’s Mummy’s boy is real. Some brides to be might not even notice much of it during courtship.

    I like wisdom nugget 2. There is a lot of wisdom in it.

    However, prayer and action takes the lead for me. The wife must take steps to save her home.

    ” Leaving and Cleaving” is what the bible says. This is the best foundation to lay for a good marriage. You get to discover your strengths and weaknesses and bond in love without outside criticism or prejudice.

    God bless our homes.

  3. Hmmmm…thank God for the nuggets above. At least, if for someone is already married to a mama’s boy, there’s a way out. Thanks Tolusworld…it’s always interesting to read from you.

  4. The writer mentioned praying to break the bond BTW mother and son, nobody should try to do that cos no one prays that her and her son should not be in good terms in the future.

    • Hello Mercy 🙂 , you have misconstrued my point. I did not state that the wife should pray that her husband and mother in-law should not be in good terms. No that was not my point. My point is this- In Mathew 19:5 the bible commands that “‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’?” (NLV). The relationship between a mama’s boy and his mother is unhealthy. When a man gets married, the man is supposed to cleave to his wife and not his mother which is the case for mama’s boys. Again I emphasize that this does not mean as children we should forsake our responsibilities to our parents. No. In a man’s life, there is a place for the wife and there is a place for the mother. One person should not take the other’s position. When this is the case, problems will arise. When a husband allows his mother to make practically all the decisions in his life for him, decide where his children will go to school, decide whether the man should have more children, decide if the man should take a job or not, decide if the man should open an account or not etc., my sister don’t you think this is unhealthy? This means the mother has taken up the role of the wife and this is not scriptural hence the wife need to pray that her husband should cleave to her as Mathew 19:5 commanded. 🙂

  5. In my opinion, don’t get married to a mama’s boy. I was in this situation some years ago and we almost got married but God saved me. Mine was so bad that he tells his mum when we make out. When we quarrel. It’s his mother that settles it cos he was so immature. So my advice, don’t even go there. It will look like two women fight over one man.

    • I absolutely agree with you. I’m happy you realized this on time and quickly broke the relationship. I will discuss this as well on my singles page.