Marriage is when two people are joined together to become one desperately boring person (Ardal O’Hanion). “Another one says “Boredom is the biggest problem. Same position, same day of the week. It becomes a problem when you don’t bring any added flowers home.” The boredom that comes upon marriage after many years.
A little bit about myself…..When I tell my friends that I am on a diet (which is almost all the time) some laugh it off. Others say Tolu, there is nothing wrong with your stature. And you know what, the latter group is right. There is nothing wrong with me. Not my stature, not my self-esteem. Keeping myself on a diet constantly or reminding myself constantly that I have to lose weight is a mechanism that I use to stay and keep fit. You know why? Because staying fit (I’m sure a lot of other women will agree with me) helps me to keep a balance in a lot of things that can negatively affect my life. I look at it this way, staying fit (including healthy eating habits), keep the doctors, psychotherapists, marriage counselors etc away. So what is the connection between my fitness life and keeping the passion in your marital life alive? Well, it is because fitness tops the list of what I do to keep the fire burning in my marriage. Today, I want to share with you other factors that you can work on as a woman to keep the fire alive.
FYI….Husbands have a huge role to play in making a woman feel and act in a romantic way. I sometimes wish men would lend me their ears so I could tell them what we, women would like for them to do to make life easier because a woman’s marital joy depends on how her husband treats her in marriage.
Here is what you can do as a woman to keep your love life alive.
Romance Nugget #1– Keep fit- Keeping fit as a woman (men too) has huge positive effect. Besides the beautiful outward appearance that it helps you achieve, the positive effect it has on the human organ system is enormous. Lack of exercise as I once once wrote (sedentary lifestyle) can lead to fatigability. When you are fatigued, you are less productive. You don’t even have the zeal to want to try anything sometimes. Your body is in a shutdown mode. On the other hand, exercise helps release certain hormones that put you in a happy mood. If you are stressed, romance will be the last thing on your mind. Here are some of post workout hormones and their effects:
- Endorphins- You feel exhilarated and happy. It blocks any feelings of pain.
- Dopamine- The pleasure chemical. Gives a sense of pleasure.
- Serotonin- Responsible for happiness, restful sleep and healthy appetite.
Romance Nugget #2- Pay attention to what you wear….ALL THE TIME. For me, this is non-negotiable. Even though I know at times I just throw on whatever I have or whatever I get my hands on especially when going to do groceries. Honestly, what you wear influences your state of mind and vice versa. Put a little effort in your dressing and make up and you will notice that you’ll feel sexier and have more self-confidence.
Romance Nugget #3- Be Spontaneous; do something different- In marriage, it gets to a point when you tend to do the same thing, same way over and over ….. and over again. This is one of the things that leads to boredom in marriage. Life becomes a circle that you know so well. No corners, no surprises, no fun…… just a plain circle. That is why it is good to add a little spice to it by doing something different from the ordinary. Like going to the movies, having dinner in a restaurant. Most of us have to wait till the weekends to go out (that is if we even get to go out at all). Who says everything has to be during the weekend? Just like some of my friends were discussing the other day about cooking over the weekend. Why do we have to leave everything for the weekend? Go to the movies or eat out during the week. Leave the light on when you are being intimate 😉 You can also do something together like go biking. You can pick a sport that you both enjoy. Like we went kayaking sometime back during one of our vacations. Even though the kids were there, we had a great time laughing and making fun of each other. I’m not sure I would do it again 🙂 because I was so scared, but then it was awesome. You get the gist of it right?
Romance Nugget #4- Initiate/create the romantic atmosphere- Especially if you are married to a passive husband or one especially if romance is not one of his strengths. As women, some of us get to be shy in initiating a romantic atmosphere in our relationships. I spoke with someone once who said she battled with the way her husband was being intimate with her (gosh! Have you noticed I can’t even seem to say “the” word….see, even me I am shy….God will help me)……anyways you know what I mean, right? This lasted for so many years and she didn’t say a word. She eventually spoke out after 12 years. I asked her what made her speak out eventually, she said she felt more comfortable with her husband. 12 years of boring uncomfortable intimate encounter. Go bubble bathing together in your bathtub (if your tub is big enough). Shower together. Send the kids to their room and create your own romantic dinner at home. If you have a toddler on your hand, have someone assist for night.
There are so many things one can do to spice up romantic life in marriage. Keep the list going please. What do you do in your marriage? How do you keep the flame on? Looking forward to reading yours. I might even try your idea 😉
Until next week wednesday, when I’ll bring you another write-up on marriage enrichment, may God bless and keep our homes.
Sorry this write-up came later in the day. I’l do better next week. 😉
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