The happiness that radiates from newly married couples on their wedding day is always palpable by every wedding guest. But yet the statistics of divorced couples is quite alarming. I am currently reading Gary Chapman’s book “Things I wish I’d Known Before We Got Married”. I will encourage you to read it. It states fifty percent of couples that get married end up divorced and that no one dreams of getting married so that they can later divorce. Surprisingly, these divorces often occur in the early years of marriage. So the question is, what went wrong with that couple that seem to be so happy and peaceful with each other on their wedding day? It is the SHOCKERS!!!!! Yep….early marriage shockers. A lot of people get these shockers and misinterpret them as falling out of love. If you are one of these, no my dear…..you are not. You are just going through what Gary Chapman calls the “The second stage of love” where reality sets in and work begins.
Going into marriage, like any newly married couple, I desired success. In fact I was determined to make it work which was what really helped me. For some reason, I thought successful marriage was my inheritance. As a single lady then, I used to think once I find myself a professional, responsible, decent Christian man, I was good to go. Little did I know that finding a decent, responsible Christian man was just a quarter of the puzzle solved. The remaining three quarter actually depends on how my husband and I worked together as a team. Of course I heard some teachings from older couples about being patient, how as a woman, I have to learn to submit and respect and the man has to love……you know……all those teachings that we were all told. I thought the way I felt at the beginning will last me my entire married life. Little did I know………. 🙁
These are some of the few things I got to know in my early years of marriage………learn from them and move past them 🙂
Shocker #1. The tingles don’t last- This was my first shocker. When you meet the person “of your dreams”, you know that tingly warm, bubbly feelings you get anytime you see him/her? Ha! 🙂 I can tell you, they don’t last past few years of marriage. If you are the lovey-dovey type and things are so beautiful, may be it will take 2 years, maximum 3 years. But beyond these, reality sets in and the not so important things that were not considered important before becomes very important. Things like she never makes her side of the bed when she wakes up or he drops his plate in the sink all the time and expects me to clean up after him……you know…..little little things like that.
Shocker #3- That I needed to put thoughts and plan into every minute detail of marriage- The big issues were easy for me. Topics like finance, having children, career etc. Those were easy to know that I had to plan but when it comes to how you are allowed to argue or mode of dispute settlement, I didn’t know I needed to discuss this with my spouse.
Things I am allowed to say or not say during arguments. What? Or that you have to discuss the issue of intimacy after childbirth. Remember my write-up on the Men/Women needs vs wants in marriage? If you haven’t read it, please do.
In the first few years of marriage, you are bound to see differences and changes in your spouse. You are bound to feel different about your spouse. You are bound to see your spouse differently. These are natural occurrences of an early marriage. Does this mean you don’t love your spouse anymore or does it mean you are falling out of love, No. and you know why, because love is not a feeling. What sustains marriage is not a feeling. It is commitment to make it work that holds and sustains a marriage.
Share with me in the reply/comment box below what surprised you in your early years of marriage?
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Tolusworld Profile- Tolu Dairo MD. MSc. A motivational speaker and writer who uses her passion for career/self-development, positive parenting and healthy relationships to inspire women to live their dreams.
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