“My wedding is about two months from now and I still don’t have peace within me, because of my fiancé’s bad behaviour. Preparations are on-going already and everyone in my family is worried because of his childish behaviour.
What kept me going in the courtship initially was that he will soon change and get rid of these attitudes (such as, always seeking advice and holding claims to his parent’s opinions only as regards any issue we want to take decision on, he is easily irritated by little things which he also displayed on the day of our introduction, more so, he does not have respect for elders) and also because of my Pastor’s advice and encouragement.
Ma, please advise me………….. Because am loosing hope and faith already. My heart is heavy.
I got this email sometime last year from one of Tolusworld readers. A 28 year old lady. She shared with me the situation in her relationship and here is my response to her.
I am sorry for the way things are turning out in your relationship. Obviously you and your fiancé are not on the same page when it comes to belief, maturity and understanding. Marriage is a very serious matter and once you are in it, there is no turning back. One thing I have learned over the years is that you can’t change someone. Only the Holy Spirit has that capability. If someone changes his/her behaviour, it is because that person has met with God through an experience or some sort of ministration. Coming to your fiancé, I can tell that the situation with him will only be accentuated once you get married because then he has control over you as you know the man is the head of the family. This is the way God designed it so this is why I advise women to choose wisely when getting married. This is the way I see it, before you get married, you are in the driver seat of your car, navigating as you please but the day you get married, you have handed over your car keys and given up the driver’s seat for your husband. You now have to take the passenger’s seat.
Whether we like it or not, that is the way it is. If a woman marries well, her husband will allow her take the driver’s occasionally, sometimes a lot, but you can be sure that the man will claim his rightful position, the driver’s seat. A lot of us don’t understand this dynamics hence we get into a struggle/fight with our spouses. That is why it is so important to choose well so when you hand over the car keys, you are giving it to someone very reasonable and responsible who will make the right decisions about both your lives. Please don’t get me wrong, the scenario I painted up is the way God designed it be but do we have couples living otherwise, absolutely. In fact a lot. But they do it with a struggle and they don’t enjoy marriage as God has designed it to be.
If I tell you your fiancé will change when you get married, I will be lying.
My suggestion- Please note that this is just a suggestion…..The overall decision is yours….. since your parents and you are really concerned and not too sure of his behaviour, why don’t you have a talk with your parents and tell them you need more time. You can’t afford to go into holy wedlock with doubts. Don’t start your marital life with doubts. This is an extremely weak foundation and you know what God says, when the foundation is weak, what can the righteous do? Also remember, a broken relationship is a million and one times better than a broken marriage. Once you get married, it will be much more difficult to come out of it and God does not smile at divorce. Also remember, nobody will live your life for you. Your life is in your hands. Your destiny is in your hands.
I wish you all the best and I will pray for you as well. It is well with you. Decide wisely…..
Please let me know how it turns out….. 🙂
This true story does not end here. Tune in next week Monday to see what became of Desola’s relationship a year later and oh….. she also has some life lessons she shared with me. 😉
What do you think? What would you want to tell Desola? Leave your comments below.
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