This has been bugging me for the past 6 years of my marriage. Ok maybe 3 years. The first 3 years of marriage, I went through it but because I was not bold enough and thought I shouldn’t be talking about it, I kept mute. But in the last few years it is beginning to scare me. I can’t take it anymore. I wish I could get someone to assist me in telling my hubby some of the things I like and don’t like.
A conversation I had with a friend as I sat in her kitchen that rainy April afternoon few years ago. She lamented about issues bugging her precious little heart. I listened as I sat at a table. These are issues that some of us have gone through before and have been able to overcome it.
Quite a number of us go through teeny weeny little things in our marriages that even though they look small, they bite into our heart and soul and because of culture and tradition, we occasionally find it hard to phonate them.
If you are a man reading this, please, please and please, these are important issues to us. Even though you think they are trivial, to us they matter a lot and I can assure you if you take heed, they will improve the quality of your romantic relationship with your wife.
Iyawo Olele things I wish I could I tell my Husband
Take me out on a date; PLEASSSE- Yes! A date. I honestly do not know what happens to guys once they get married. When dating, they go out of their way to impress us. They ask if we will go to the movies, take us out to lunch, take us to watch games etc Then comes wedding and we begin to do marriage and children follow suit. Suddenly…. GBAM! dating for some reason just gets lost in transit. I think between diapers, carrying car seats, career etc. it gets lost in the hustle and bustle. Thinking about it, even we sef, we forget to remind them because by the time we get to finish our daily chores plus career on top, going out on a date is always the last on our mind. When I’m talking about dating, I do not mean the quick branching at a fast food restaurant o. No. I mean the one you get to make reservations, the ones you plan ahead of time. And oh, let me quickly chip in, please don’t tell me we can do candle light at home o. Unless of course you are doing the cooking sha 😉 . Movies are also a good place to start. You get the gist, right?
I want to be romanced– Yes o, romanced. I don’t even want to begin to go into details today. This topic is so broad. I have been in multiple couples’ gatherings and all the time, women bring this up and you know what, all women are always on the same page with this one. They say, sometimes, we just want to be held. Being held does not mean l*v* m*k*ng o. No! Being held means being held. Period! I gave a talk sometime last year on marital intimacy (watch video here) …. It was HOT! I told the men it is extremely likely for a wife to be intimate with her husband at night if he were to work on getting her in the mood throughout the day rather than touching her just before they both get into bed. You know, send a few kisses her way during the day 😉 , one or two love text messages during the day, a few make out sessions etc. You know what I mean. A woman’s body works with her heart. Please note that we are not switches that can be turned on or off at any time. It simply doesn’t work that way. In a nut shell, women want their husbands to be more intimate than sexual …… 😉 . Enough said….
It doesn’t hurt to say sorry- “I will greatly appreciate it if he can say sorry whenever he did something wrong”, a wife’s lamentation. In the days of our African fathers, it was a norm for men not to apologize. In hindsight, I personally do not recollect my Dad saying sorry to my Mom. Maybe he did and I was too young to remember, maybe he did not. It was perceived as a taboo in those days for a man to apologize to his wife. Not in this era anymore. I believe when someone does something wrong, an apology should be tendered. The funny thing is that some men instead of apologizing, they become super nice to the woman and for some reason the woman either allows the situation to be swept under the carpet or explains and understands the man’s situation away. For me, this is like a cannon ball waiting to explode. From experience, in marriage there are times when one of the parties involved will do something wrong that will require a sincere apology and if this party happens to be the man that is not used to apologizing, this can snowball and go out of control.
So over to you dear reader, you can’t tell me your hubby gets it right all the time ;-). O ya, spill some below in the comment section. Looking forward to reading from you.
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