When a man ties the knot to become one with his wife, they become a union and not a unity. Unity does not equate union. What marriage guarantees is “union”. Some married folks actually believe that once the knot is tied (union), everything else must fall into place and be perfect (unity). Wrong! Here is why…….. 🙂
Being united (union) and unity are two different entity entirely. When a man and woman are joined together in holy wedlock, they become united automatically. The two are united into one (as one). The word “one” speaks of composite unity as opposed to “absolute unity”. “That marriage is composed of “Mr and Mrs” (composite unity)” but absolute unity (which I also call unity) is a journey that requires working at. Composite unity is the platform on which absolute unity is built. To become a unity, you need to do some intentional leg work. So many factors act as a catalyst to becoming a unity (absolute unity). Individual’s attitude, character, communication, transparency etc. are factors that can build or break the formation of a marriage unity. I will only touch on three factors today.
Transparency is key in the formation of unity in marriage- It has the ability to create unity in all aspects of life (social, professionally, finances etc.) if the two parties involved understand and decide to be transparent about all issues. Transparency removes ambiguity. There should be no gray area whatsoever. From my personal experience, it reduces a lot of unnecessary headache and explanation from me. Besides the fact that my personality could be such an open book at times, I take an extra step to ensure that my husband knows everything that happens to me. It has sustained and worked for me over the years. This is what is also preached by experts and other marriage counselors.
An open line of communication. This is such a wide topic that cannot be covered under this write-up. Communication is the bedrock of any successful relationship. If communication line breaks, the marriage will hit the rocks and if the relationship does not crumble, the involved parties will become mere roommates. There should be no communication gap in any aspect of a marriage. When there is effective communication in marriage, both parties tend to be on the same page concerning issues and when you agree and are on the same page, you have formed a unit.
Do not ignore the other party’s need in marriage. Read my post on men’s/women’s needs vs wants in marriage. Ignoring or not acknowledging your spouse’s needs can only harm the relationship. The party is deprived of the needs will get frustrated and might result into seeking to meet the needs from other sources. The frustration then spills into other parts of the relationship. Then disagreement and quarrel ensue. When I speak to couples on this, I tell them to always remember that spouses have no other means of fulfilling the needs. If you continue in the act of deprivation, everyone has elasticity limit. One day he/she may reach that limit and then snap and the resultant factor is something you do not want to deal with.
Singles- Before you get married, please take note that marriage is a journey and a school where you learn every day. You have to be teachable and malleable. Do not be resistant to growth. You do not want your marriage to be stunted. Healthy marriage (absolute unity) comes with hard work. Patience, forgiveness (not once, not twice……….forgiveness has to be your daily bread), kindness etc
Married- I salute you for your journey so far. Going through the journey myself, I know the amount of sacrifice, shaping, reshaping, pruning etc my husband and I have had to go through to get to where we are. I am hoping you know that unity does not happen overnight. It requires work. It is achievable if both parties put their mind to it.
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