People have asked me how my husband and I remain love birds after 14 years. How do we make it work? Umm, honestly speaking, the road has not been 100% smooth. No marriage is. I’m sure you know that. But we made a commitment to ourselves and to God to make it work. Come rain, come sunshine. In addition to our verbal commitment, we also constantly make conscious effort to educate ourselves on issues relating to marriage. Attending marriage conferences (couples’ retreat) and seminars are one of the means we explore. We also read practical books on Christian relationships. We make it a responsibility to ensure that we constantly feed and nurture our union day in day out. Marriage is a living organism that if not catered for, will wither away.
Last year my church had a marriage ministry annual conference. My husband and I head this ministry in our church so it was quite a busy weekend for me. The theme was “built to last”. One of the topics discussed was the differences between the needs and wants of a man and woman in marriage. My Pastor (Pastor Jide Lawore) took this teaching and I must commend him, he did a great job.
Foundation- His/Her needs- Needs are necessities. They are necessary for the effective functioning of any human being. Every created being was/is designed with inherent needs. People or things do not decide their needs. Simple facts about needs:
- You don’t debate on needs. You simply find out what they are and meet them.
- Needs are the foundation of every relationship
- When there is a conflict (or misunderstanding) in a relationship, they are as a result of needs that are not being met.
- Every relationship is created to fulfil the other person’s needs; when a man sees a woman that he is interested in and would like to marry, know that the woman meets a need in his life
- When needs are not met, human beings may stoop to doing strange things to fulfil those needs
- Do not judge your spouse based on his/her needs
5 basic needs of every man and woman in order of importance
Women’s needs- Men please take note
- Affection and love- This is crucial to women. If we don’t get it, we don’t function properly. We crave approval, validity, verbal affection, touch. P.S. Affection does not equate love. Affection is an outward display of love
- Communication and conversation- Women enjoy conversation for conversation sake
- Honesty and openness- Do not hide anything from us. We will find out. Especially with our sixth sense 😉 . Have you heard this saying?
- Financial Support- Enough money to live comfortably. We like to feel financially secure. (I know this tops the list for some women 😉 )
- Family commitment
Men’s needs- Women take note
- Sexual fulfillment- A typical woman does not understand this- Personally I have come to understand (and accept this) after so many years in marriage. It took me a while though but I think I finally got it J. A man will give affection to get sex (Wow!! Trade by barter) and vice versa
- Recreational companionship- Women, learn to love and enjoy your husband’s sport.
- Beautiful wife- Most men are visually oriented. I am all for this one. Always keep it together lady. I know it can be challenging with the kids, the house, day job plus you have to play wife later in the day but please I beg….never let go. Try and keep trying.
- Domestic support: Men appreciate clean house, good food, clean environment, peace and quiet. Tolusworld addition- Please I beg husbands, help us in creating one for us as well. 🙂
- Admiration and respect- Every man needs his wife to respect him. He doesn’t want it, he needs it. Tolusworld addition- please hubbies, do check on your wives during the day or when she is working in the house, ask how we are doing. Ask if we have eaten or what we will eat. This goes under affection.May God help and sustain our marriages…….IJN Amen!What are your own needs in your marriage? Are they different from above? Please share in the reply box below. There is blessing in sharing.
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Tolusworld Profile- Tolu Dairo MD. MSc. A public speaker and writer who uses her passion for career/self-development, positive parenting and healthy relationships to inspire people to live their dreams.