Dearest “singu” lady, dating a Bobo (aka locally raised Naija man) or Boo (i.e. lazed with international spices) could be very exciting. I know you’re having fun and feeling on top of the world. So we all did! 😉 It’s good “sha” but my dear before time slowly elapses on you, you need to take a step back and check him out…..like in PROPERLY. Not fineness o, or the way he speaks or mannerism. Nooo. I mean his DNA. aka QUALITIES. From experience, these questions (and more) if not tackled at an early stage, can lead to calamity if you end up with the guy.
Question #1- What is he adding to me?
This is a serious one. In business, it is called “value added”. What value has he added to you since you started dating him? Do you know that biblical phrase “Iron sharpeneth iron; so a man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend.” Well is his iron sharpening your iron? Or maybe he doesn’t even have an iron at all. And if you’re wondering what I’m talking about, I’ll break it down for you. Simple…… The guy smart? E get potential? Does being with him challenge your intellectuals? Do you engage in healthy, progressive discussions? Does he encourage you to do positive things? Or he is just swept off by your beauty and gives a nod to everything that you say? A guy that adds value to you will improve your personality and pull you up in life and a guy that adds no value will take away the little that you have worked for. Shikenna!..Period!
Question #2- Bothers on honesty and integrity. How honest is he?
A lot of married women, we lie to ourselves a lot. I mean like A LOT!!!. With big exclamation marks. When we get married, we expect the world from our husbands, you know honesty, no late nights, respect etc. You know all these beautiful things a woman wants her man to do and say and please “make una no get me wrong o”, these are all good things that a husband must do for his wife. But you know one thing though, these attributes don’t come upon anyone overnight. “O ti o”. If you are dating a man who is used to keeping late nights, goes to club every Friday night and you think because he married you, he will stop. Ha! My darling, it doesn’t work out that way o. Half of the problems in marriage show up before marriage but the problem is we women are too blinded by “I want to get married by fire or by force”. How honest is he? When he says “A” does he mean “B”? Or his “A” is his “A”? Ask, ask and ask yourself. Does he keep his word? How do people around relate and speak about him.
Question #3- Is your Bobo/Boo generous, or Na stingy guy?
This one is another serious one. OMGoodness, I can’t stand stingy men. Ha! Let me tell you from inside marriage, stew you will ask for money; children, money; house maintenance, it’s to ask for money; my makeup, money (ya’ll know make-up don’t come cheap these days); I beg married women please add to the list if you’re reading this. If he has to take up all these responsibilities and more, simple buying gift for you on your birthday while you are dating or paying for your meals, he is scratching his head, my dear you better reverse. Take a step back. Think. Please don’t misconstrue me o. No, no, no, no. I believe in the independence of women. Yep! You must have your own job, be able to stand on your feet in case there is any yawa. But then show me a woman, who does not like to be pampered. If he is not generous in courtship, you think he’ll be in marriage? Wake-up S-I-S-T-A!. The role of a husband/father is for a MAN. If you don’t want to end up having a BOY as a HUSBAND, shine your eyes 🙂
Question #4- Transparency
I don’t understand some women o. Picture this, a very common scenario. You’re out on a date, the guy’s phone rings, and you’re closer to his phone so you pick it (to give to him o). As soon as you pick it, he thinks you either want to take a peek on who’s calling or something. He snaps at you and says “don’t pick my phone calls”. You only picked up his phone not his phone call. Now tell me, this type of guy, do you think he doesn’t have a hidden agenda? These are the type of guys that will have password for everything in their life. Including the door to the bathroom for crying out loud and he will never, NEVER share the password with you. So the question is, how transparent is your Bobo/Boo? Transparency helps build trust and trust is one of the building blocks of marriage. You don’t want to mess with trust.
Okay ladies, that’s enough for now. Please don’t forget to leave a comment below. I look forward to your comments. Mwah!
…. and btw, keep the questions coming via email@example.com I’m loving it. Mwah!
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Tolusworld Profile- Tolu Dairo MD. MSc. A motivational speaker and writer who uses her passion for career/self-development, positive parenting and healthy relationships to inspire to live their dreams.